Project Z.E.N.: Old and New (at the same time)

First the Old.

I had an overwhelming feeling about Zane (and all my kids) this weekend I wanted to share. I feel like I've known him my whole life. But he's only two and a half! It's one of those feelings that he has always been a part of my life. A part of my soul and very being. A part of me. And I guess he has always been there even though his little body hasn't been. He was something I felt like was always missing until he was born. I'll use this corny analogy -- he was a missing piece to the puzzle of my life.

I felt such a compelling urge to have each one of my kids, even the one I lost to miscarriage in 2008. I think that something felt empty and incomplete without them. I still have an urge to have another baby, but I know that's not in the cards for me. And that's ok. Because I am enjoying being the mom to three awesome little boys, and I know I will get to meet another little soul one day.

Now the New.

Right now, I am happy learning new things about each boy each day. I am trying to slow day enough to appreciate everything.

Zane's singing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" out of the blue, anytime and anywhere. I love his voice. And he loves puzzles; he's a whiz at working them nowadays. And he makes me feel so loved by giving me a big hug at the end of the work day. :)
Ethan's ~~obsession~~ fascination and knowledge of technology. And the fact he is such a sweet soul. He is a caring big brother; his brothers will always look up to him. He is growing up. I am proud and sad at the same time.
Nash. Ahead of the curve with everything it seems! (I wonder if it will always be like this with him?) He is just barely ten months old, and he is walking. Walking! Just a few steps now, but he will be running before we know it. And that smile. He smiles with his whole face! It is simply beautiful.