My One Word for 2014

I have struggled boiling down my focus and intentions for the new year into one word. 

There are many things I want (and need) to do.  Things that I started but then dropped last year.  Weight loss and exercise.  I was doing SO WELL.  Then I got overconfident and dropped out of the routine.  Then I became embarrassed for dropping out.  And then I became scared to go back.  I stopped keeping track of my eating.  I shifted my focus to the house.  Decor and whatnot.  Studying for that PE exam, which I failed.  Again.  (I only seem to be able to fully focus on one extracurricular thing at a time.)

In 2012, my word was PRESENT.  Being more present in all my relationships, especially with those three boys I call my sons.

I became lost at the end of 2012.  I did a lot of inward-looking.  I did a lot of looking at my relationships with my husband and extended family.  I did not like what I saw.  I think that's why I jumped so wholeheartedly into the diet and exercise thing.  Improvements have been made to the relationships, but there are still problems that resurface every now and again like a bad penny.

That's why I like the word LOVE for this year.  Not realizing it, I think that was my word for last year too. 

Sticking to my relationships for LOVE's sake.  Taking care of myself for the love of myself.  I believe you have to truly love something to commit to it for the long-term.

But I also need to be BRAVE.  I realize I am scared a lot of the time.  I burrow into my comfort zone, deep in the sanctity of my house whenever I can.  That's not living!  Home should be a safe place, a calm place, a happy place.  But it should not be my hiding place.

And I need to FINISH.  I need to finish what I start.  Nuff said there.

COMMUNICATION.  I need to do more talking and feeling.  Less thinking and overanalyzing.  Less going through the motions.  Reaching out of my comfort zone again.  Being brave for love's sake.

And I need to REMEMBER.  I need to remember the things that brought me where I am today.  I am so tired of the excuse of being tired.  Sure, I have three kids.  Sure, I work full-time outside of the home.  I need to remember those feelings and desires I once had for people and ambitions.  I feel like an empty walking shell so much of the time lately.

My indecision is in full force today!  The world inside my crazy little head is a gray jumbled one.  But there are flickers of bright light occasionally.  A new bright start in 2014.